Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
