I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
