shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
