can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I had to cum in my sink.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
