Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
