My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
