Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
