I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
