he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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