For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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