i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
