i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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