the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
