So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
