we have pet lesbian snakes
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
