I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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