dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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