So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
