apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
