A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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