I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
