Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Did I show you my penis last night?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
