dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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