All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
