I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
3pm strippers are depressing
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
