I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
