is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm too high and old for this...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
