Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
