we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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