I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
