He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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