plz talk dirty to me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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