maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
