true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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