I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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