Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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