I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
