kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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