Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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