Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
