We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
