I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
