So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
