you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
