so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
