My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
