Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
