how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
