We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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