I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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