Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
